Speaking on behalf of all of the brothas out there, we are wondering what the heck the African-American sistas doing to their hair? I’m seeing sistas with short nappy hair walking around like they Buckwheat from the Little Rascals and ish. Then you got these other sistas cutting all of their hair off bald-headed like they been inspired by a Kem concert. How dare these sistas do this to their straighten, chemically, processed hair?!
We brothas want our sistas to have straight long hair like the plantation Jezebel we would see while we used to pick cotton and tobacco in the fields as the Jezebel would tempted us brothas with her straight hair and her fair skin. We would hear our uncle in the fields say “when I get free, I want woman like massa!” and as a result, we brothas demanded nothing less than light-skinned, long hair sistas and even if we couldn’t do it like OJ and Bill Cosby, we just lust for light skinned, long hair arab sistas in the 70s and 80s like Valerie Jarrett and Paula Abdul now lusting harder for the East European sistas like Kim Kardashian.
Okay, I’m being sarcastic but at least I got the attention of some trifling people to get to the third paragraph. Every since I was a kid, I loved sistas with natural hair. In all honestly, I hated the chemically processed hair sistas be wearing as it smelled awful, especially during sex – smells like some burnt out ish. If you check out the sistas down in Brazil, many of them wore a natural combed out wavy frizzy hairstyle and it enhanced their beauty in my opinion. It didn’t matter if their hair was long or short, it was natural. That is probably the real reason brothas was running to Brazil because the sistas down there wore their hair naturally long wavy, not because of booty – we can go to the South and find big booty sistas if that was the case.
Number two, a lot of African sistas, especially in UK and Paris and Belgium were wearing their hair all natural so you in the military and deployed overseas and start seeing these Black sistas in Europe with their hair all creativity natural, as a Black man, that turns you on because you looking at realness. When you look at a sista with her hair all permed and straighten and ish, that crap ain’t natural. It’s kind of a revolting step back of a brotha because that’s not what we see as our sistas in our primal instinct.
So to be honest we brothas are actually happy sistas are going bald to go natural for several reasons. The first reason is a grown up reason – we believe these hair chemicals causes cancer, especially breast cancer in Black women. If little girls 8 years old start growing titties because they using this hair crap, what do you think this hair chemical crap is doing to the breasts of an adult woman? No one wants a chick sitting in a doctor examination room hearing bad news to find out the hard way constantly putting harsh chemicals in her hair was not a wise wellness/lifestyle choice.
The second reason is we brothas hate that unnatural damn smell of chemical processed hair! Jesus Christ, that’s why brothas just want to do rear entry sex with sistas nowadays because we don’t want our nose next to that chemical cesspool that used to be a Black woman natural hair! And some of the hair extensions all dried out feels like some necrophilia ish, real talk. Now that sistas got natural hair, we brothas can now engaged in more passionate missionary sex, rubbing our fingers through her hair, passionately necking her, intimately rubbing her back up and down while pumping at the same time like we currently do to the non-Black sistas – see, now we Black men can get back to making love to our own sistas that way.
So honestly, real brothas are embracing the sistas who are cutting it all off and starting over and going natural. While I feel there is a time place for hair extensions, I do not believe there is a rationale reason for any Black woman to be into the chemical hair straightening stuff anymore. With the exception of East St. Louis pimps, do you see us brothas using lye in our hair and ish to straighten it out?
So this one sista made a video about her going natural process and in that video, look at all of those fine sistas and their natural hair styles:
I remember last year in Atlanta at some Black conference, I saw some sistas passing out Miss Jessie hair stuff and those sistas were sporting natural hairstyle and I started flirting with them and then I had to start thinking of penguins sliding down an iceberg to prevent me from becoming aroused. I ran into a sista I haven’t seen in 20+ years from college at the Caribbean fest last week and her and her friends all had that natural long curly thing going on and back in college she wore her hair straight. Man, she was fine all over again!
But real talk, anybody knows me and the type of sistas you been seeing me with 99% of them look and had their hair natural, long kinda like Gisella from Brazil (a blogger) below:
So in summary, go and cut it off sistas and we brothas are fully aware and appreciate the natural revolution going on. Many of you sistas have to remember that if you are going to have to work international and 5 years from now, you may have to fly to Argentina or fly to Japan or fly to New Zealand on business for three to four weeks. Being natural allows you to maintain your look and in addition, we can now go hang out Bojo beach in Ghana and you can finally stick your head in the water and chill with a brotha for a change like our people used to do before we arrived here on slave ships.